cripsy13

Musings, mutterings from the misguided.

What I’ve learned…

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If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I was off from work for six weeks due to depression.  The last two weeks I was away, I felt AMAZING.  My physical self felt good, my emotional self felt great and I was basking in the glow of not feeling manic/crazy/suicidal/depressed.  The last week I was off, my BIG boss retired, so I was invited to attend her different functions, which was nice because I consider her a mentor of sorts and it gave me a chance to see my colleagues without worrying about ‘work’.

While I was off, I learned a lot.  About me.  About who I am, why I am the way I am and why I react to situations the way I do.  I also learned that the only person who has any say over me – is me.  I learned to listen to my inner self – what it was saying and what it was telling me (no, I wasn’t hearing voices, just to clarify)…and I’m still learning that I’m perfectly okay the way I am.  Warts and all.

Now, I’ve been back to work now for just over a week.  5 days.  5 days, 4.5 hours to be exact.  Here is what I’ve learned so far:

1.  Some people will pretend like nothing ever happened.  I’m not sure if it’s because they don’t understand or they just don’t care – but it is what it is.

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2.  Some people will immediately think you are breakable and must be treated very carefully so that you don’t come after them with a rusty butter knife, because once you’re crazy, you’ll always BE crazy (apparently).

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3.  Some people will be happy to see you because they want to compare medications and experiences (I found this particularly interesting, because it came from two people that I least expected).

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4.  Some people won’t be happy with the changes you’ve made in your life, because it makes you different than what they’re accustomed to.

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You see, I’ve learned to speak up and ask for what I want and need.  Within reason, of course.  It’s taken me YEARS to finally put what I need ahead of what other people need.  To accept that I make mistakes and can make amends and move on, instead of begging for forgiveness.  To know that I’m not perfect.  But most of all – to know that it’s hard enough to live up to my own expectations – so please don’t expect me to live up to yours.  I might have done that, once upon a time, but guess what?  I know what it’s like to feel ‘good enough’ and for once in my life – that’s all the affirmation I need.

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Author: cripsy13

A middle aged woman trying to find humour in the day to day challenges of living with depression.

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